I am holding strong at 188, despite vacation, so that’s a good thing. This week I am kicking up my exercise again, including wearing a pedometer and trying to reach my 10,000 steps per day goal. I met it yesterday. I was at around 5,000 steps when I left work and reached 9,000 when I left the gym. Tanning and Target took care of reaching the 10,200 mark. Unfortunately I’m only at about 2,000 today. I need to take a walk or something for lunch…
I am confident that I can reach my ultimate goal by Christmas with dedication. It’s time to focus again, to realize what I am doing and why it matters. I know I can maintain, but I’m ready to be in meltdown mode again. It’s time to turn down the peanut M&Ms instead of having a small serving. It’s time to drink water with lemon instead of sugar-free drinks. I am lazy, but it’s comforting to know that my “lazy” mode hasn’t been a weight gain, just a maintenance.
I am starting to wonder what I look like beneath the saggy skin. If my saggy stomach wasn’t there, I’d be at least 3 sizes smaller than what I wear. I worry that my saggy skin won’t go away. Having surgery is something I fear, but would be willing to do. I want a curvaceous figure, not a stick figure, but I also want to look normal and not make it so obvious that I’ve lost so much weight. When I hide the skin, I am constantly told “I would NEVER guess you were 100 pounds overweight”. I want to feel that way too! I am comfortable with a tummy tuck because it’s not a weight loss aid, it would be used to fix my figure.
Mostly I regret not taking care of my body sooner, when I could’ve naturally lost the skin. If I had my life to do over, there’s not much I would change. But I would have treated my body better, sooner. Alas, all I can do is move from here and promise to never disregard my health again.
