I know that nearly everyone will find this lame, but I don’t care. It’s totally my blog and I can be lame if I want to.
Yesterday, for the first time in my whole entire 25 years of existence, I rode rollercoasters. More than once. And some even went UPSIDE DOWN.
If you knew anything about me, you’d know that this is a huge deal for me. I am not a risk taker. I keep my feet on the ground (and unlike Casey Kasim I don’t really reach for the stars while I do it…does anyone even get that reference anymore? I digress..). I am logical, I am calm, and I don’t do outrageous things. I never have. Growing up my family never forced me onto a roller coaster. And because they refused to push me into those situations, I refused to push myself. It’s probably an element of control-obsession. I like to know what comes next.
The fear I had with roller coasters was irrational because a) I don’t mind heights, at all, and b) I enjoy going fast and feeling the “bellyflop”. But for some reason I was just convinced that I don’t like heart-pounding and fright. I’ll admit that I stood in lines years ago that were days long, only to arrive at the loading dock and not be able to get on the ride. I know it frustrated my boyfriend. It frustrated me, too, not being able to force myself to do something that, deep down, I really wanted to do.
There was virtually no lines yesterday and within 10 minutes of entering the park I was marched up to a roller coaster and put in the seat. Before I could say “I’m afraid”, it was off and there was no choice. But I was okay with it! I don’t know why, but for some reason yesterday I was ready to be fearless. I opened my eyes at every turn, even if I wanted to squeeze them shut. I screamed, not in fear but EXCITEMENT. Alright, maybe a few times in fear! The big drops scare me, but the small ones made me laugh. I was so proud that I went down the first drop and survived. I am sure I was beaming, and looking like a 25 year old idiot. I have bruises because I held on so hard.
I know that it sounds lame to you all, but it gave me a sense that I have come so far. On the steel coaster that contains two inversions, I was screaming my head off and laughing…but I all of a sudden screamed out loud “THIS IS LIFE”. My cousin kind of laughed, I’m not sure she knew what I was meaning. But, in a sense, being upside down scared to death but still kind of loving it, to me, was a sense that I have this new life I’m living. This is what people do. They take risks and chances. They are daring. They have fun. Normal people ride coasters. Normal people don’t doubt themselves to the point of panic. Normal people trust physics to carry them through those moments.
So much has changed for me, not just physically, but mentally. I am so proud of myself for riding those things and not freaking out or crying. I am proud of myself for enjoying it. I can’t say for sure if I will get on them again, but I don’t see why I wouldn’t. I have come a long way. I am more mellow and a better person to be around. This makes me so incredibly happy.
If you want this related to weight loss, here’s the thing–I fit all the rides easily, didn’t crowd my partner, and didn’t feel the need to check in the test seat before I got on the ride. It was pretty liberating to just be okay to walk up and not be embarrassed. Also I think I trusted my 180 pound self to be safe way more than a 293 pound Stefanie to be safe on something like that.
